I'll do anything for you, I'll even take off my shades.

And stare right at the sun from the stage.

---

Hi. My name is Kelly, and I'm a future alcoholic.

(Hi, Kelly.)

If You Could Only See the Way She Loves Me, Then Maybe You Would Understand..

I don't think I've ever been so confused in my entire life.

I take that back; yes, I have. The last time we did this.. whatever this is.

ANYWAYS;

I'm hungry..

So Misunderstood, but What's the World Without Enigma?

I officially ruined two pairs of headphones this weekend. I didn't think that was possible. But, that's what spending a weekend with my family does to me now. I can hardly hear anything right now. My poor little ears are raw and sad, :(

I ran all over the middle of nowhere, and washed the dirtiest car I've ever seen in my life just because I was sick of looking at it in my Meemaw's yard.

Just a word of advice: when your little cousin asks you to sleep in the same bed as her because she's still scared of the dark, tell her to suck it up. Because, if you give in and do 'the right thing', she'll kick the living shit out of you in her sleep, and you won't sleep.

Also, don't depend on the one person in your family you actually want to see to show up. Or call. Or anything.

I just wanted to fucking see you, talk to you, something. You used to be the one person I looked up to.

And now you're nowhere to be found.

Whatever, fuck you.



You Play the Back. Bitch, I'm in the Front.

I hate facebook. It stirs up so much shit, its insane. I feel like an idiot for getting into it with Jordan, but I was just defending myself since that Cassidee bitch called me out. I don't even know who this chick is, and she calls me a fake bitch. Then of course Jordan sticks her nosy-ass in it and makes things worse. I'm quite aware that I made myself look like an ass, but at least she did the same. I don't care.

I wouldn't have kept going with her, but it was a bad day. Altman decided to play 'big dog' and take my phone. It was in my hand during the LAST thirty seconds of class -- the LAST class of the day. I wasn't even using it or anything. Bitch thinks she has some type of real authority over me. Ha.

Anyways, I had to call my Dad from Caitlin's phone to tell him it got taken; he was mad even before I told him what had happened. Great, right? I knew I was going to catch all the shit for whatever had happened to him that day. My dad's a big, scary, mean guy. To anyone that's ever seen him, you know. So when we got home, I went straight to my room, turned up my music alllll the way, took a big handfull of tylenol and motrin and closed my eyes. Oh, yeah, and argued with dumbassbitch Jordan. When my mom came to get me, she took my phone back from my dad and told him she'd cut it off for the weekend -- and didn't! We talked, and she agreed with me that he was overreacting and being an asshole. I feel sorry for her; being married to him for nine years must've been hell. He really is a douchebag. Now, don't get me wrong, my mom and I have our bad days/weeks, but its nothing compared to when my dad gets mad at me. And that's saying something. There is literally no arguing with him. He just yells over you and repeats the same thing over and over.

"You're dumb. You're worthless. You're a whore. You're just like your mother. Don't twist my words! You're dumb. You're worthless..."

How long before I start to believe him? I think I already do, sometimes. It doesn't matter, though. I can go and be a dumb and worthless whore in Charleston or Texas. Probably Texas. Less humidity, more Mexicans. ;b And to be as far away as possible from him, from here. Its a miracle he hasn't hit me yet. I see his hands ball up into fists and just know its about to happen..

When I got to my mom's, I immediately fell asleep. I slept all night, and even overslept and was late for work. And I never sleep. I just kind of lay there, thinking.

So, since Altman wants to put her bluff in and, in turn, make my life hell at home, I hope she's ready for some hell in class.

"Nice bra. Hope it'll fit a tough titty, bitch. Life's hard. I swear to God life is a dumb, blonde, white broad."

I'm a Moon that Never Shows It's Face.

If I could purr right now, I would.

;D

Don't think I'm pulling through.

I feel like I'm going to be sick.

I think I've reached my limit.

I can't push myself much farther. Or further. Or whatever.

I'm tired. So. tired.

And they tell me that this is passion..

And I'm raiding your life like this empty liquor cabinet.

I really, really don't trust you. I'm afraid to. I know your reputation, but I also know its not fair to judge someone and their actions completely on their past. But still.. it does count for something. Its human nature to follow the pattern that we've previously established for ourselves, and we tend not to stray from it.

I feel like House; "everybody lies".

The other day in math, somehow the whole class got on the subject of cigarettes. Altman went on and on about how she sees kids light up before they even get out of the parking lot. "I know some of y'all in here smoke." No shit. We're students at LE; its a given that about 80% of us smoke.. And then everyone was like, "Ew, cigarettes are gross! But weed's great; I get high every weekend, bruh!"
All I could think was "hypocrites, hypocrites, hypocrites". Pot is just as bad as cigarettes. Both of them fuck up your body, you can get addicted to both, and a lot of people think you're stupid for smoking either of them. Personally, I don't care. We're all in high school and we get exposed to all sorts of things and we want to try every one of them that's "bad"; its that whole forbidden fruit thing. I'm not gonna lie, I like to drink sometimes -- and I've had cigarettes when I'm stressed out in the past. But I've never smoked pot. I'm not necessarily against it, I just haven't. What I am against, however, is doing it all the time. We're young, yes, but we also have to live in this one body we have until we die. Just pace yourself.

Pick your poison.

Jar of Hearts

So, in honor of Valentine's day (which is, in my opinion, one of the stupidest holidays -- you should treat your better half that way every day, unless they piss you off), I've decided to post the lyrics to Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri. Read it and weep, ;b

 

 

I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

And learn to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are
Dear, it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?

 

 

Anyways, I got my interim today and almost had a heart attack when I saw a 65 under my AP Euro class. -_-

I'm convinced Hind messed our grades up on purpose to fuck with out heads. He would. But, I'm actually making an 88, which is like 127 for me. Nothing much else has happened today, except for I just ate 2 Special-K meal replacement bars.. They have a lotta' protein and fiber in them. I'm scared..

 

I remember my Valentine's Day last year. Even though I didn't get to spend it with Gabe, it was really sweet. He left a bunch of roses at my door, along with a can of Monster, which I practically main-lined back then. It was cute, I'll give him that.

 

<3

 

 

You know the world's gone mad, when blacks wear plaid and Mariah has married Nick Cannon.

8:50am

Lauricella pisses me the fuck off. I mean, shit, woman! Shut up!


10:24am

So, thanks to Caitlin, I'm having the biggest urge to go shopping...earring shopping. (:
Lots and lots of big, dangly earrings.

I'm hungry. All. the. time. But right now, in particular.

Grant is texting me right now; apologizing for being a dick in December. I'm glad. I've missed talking with him. But, then again, I miss talking to a lot of people..

I want to leave this place. I don't want to be here anymore, in this town, with these people.

I want to go somewhere beautiful.

I Wanna Be Weightless, Because That Would Be Enough

What the fuck? Really?

http://thestir.cafemom.com/food_party/115400/stay_wellhydrated_with_a_tall

Anyway, Mallory's over here making her Bucket List. Trey's helping her..dear lord.

I need to make my Bucket List..it's gonna be bad. ;b

All I know is, I want a tattoo -- or tattoos -- and some more piercings. 



You Talk Like You're Famous; You're Shameless.

Tom (Jersey) , Darren (Iowa) , & Chris (SC)

I miss you, </3

 

 

 

~~~~

 

"It is to the credit of human nature, that, except where its selfishness is brought into play, it loves more readily than it hates. "

-Nathaniel Hawthorne

Thou hast fornicated!

Gah, I love English class.
'I like tuttles.' <3

Anyways, Sierra was trying to find my blog the other day, and we found this girl with my name. I loved her last post, so I'm gonna copy it on here.

---

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:


Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them?
- Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim

---

I thought it was cute, ;p

A Friend in Need is a Friend, Indeed.

A friend with weed is better, ;b

Stop being so dramatic. You're starting to get on my nerves. You can't play the pity card, or the victim card. Just because people are finally reacting to your hatefulness in a way that you deserve, doesn't mean that you can bitch about it. Oh, and by the way, people will remember this a month from now. You can't throw someone's deepest secret onto a page for all of the world to see and expect it to just go away. You're a horrible person. You're a great actor, and a great musician. But a horrible person.

Liar.

Music makes you lose control.

One of the things I've always loved is how everyone reacts to music, what it does for them. Some of the deepest, most passionate emotions to be experienced in this world come from music, in my opinion.


When you're driving down the road, with your music blaring, knowing everyone can hear what you're playing and hoping they know what's going on in your life at the moment. When you're laying in bed in the middle of the night, headphones in and all the way turned up, fighting to go to sleep but there's just too much shit going on that you can't slip into unconciousness. Or, the best, when you're standing beside a gigantic speaker and you can feel the vibrations throughout all of you. I would imagine that its not good for the body, but it does wonders for the soul.

---

On a completely different note, I've never understood one thing. How the hell do so many people manage to lose their shoes on the side of the road? I mean, is it really that hard to keep your feet inside a moving vehicle? Anybody who has ever lost a shoe out of a moving vehicle needs to revert back to riding in a carseat.

Damn.

I'm a real big fan of yours, but I'm quite the joke to you.

But, boy, it wasn't a joke when you kissed me in your room, and replied, "I love you, too".

I'm a little bit insecure, from all of this mistreatment.

But, see, I'm working it out.

Working it out is so damn hard when you're alone...

This week.. oh, this week.

Sunday: Slept, read, did some math shit, slept.

Monday: ..I don't remember. Is that bad?

Tuesday: Woke up at five; didn't ever go to sleep.

Wednesday: CAFFIENE. Stayed away until 5pm, so I went 36 hours without sleep. It was great.

Thursday: Designed my class ring, :D

Friday: Work.

So, I really don't like how people talk about other people in their blogs and don't name them. But, of course, I do it, too. Because I'm a puss. Tonight, however, there's a bit of 'liquid courage' in me, so I'ma grow a pair and call y'all out.

Miss Caitlin Tidwell: I'm so glad we're friends again. I've realized just how much I missed you. Not to get all mushyhomo here, but I love spending time with you. You're hilarious, and beautiful. Even if you don't think so. I really hope Jerome gets better; I prayed for him.

Sierra Alvarez: You're my <3 Monkey, and I appreciate you more than you know. You say the best things; so mean, yet so hilarious. And you're pretty adorable, if I do say so myself. I know you've been through your fair share of shit, and I admire how you've turned out. You're a great friend to have, truly. You have the best writing voice, too.

Rachel Hudgins: Gah, my ladybugchild. I love you and your sense of humor. Also, the current scheme you have going on is genius, in my opinion. I'd be doing the same thing, too, believe me. Such intelligence. I miss being about you all the time, though.

Whitley Kelly: Whitley, you make me so happy. Everytime I see you, I get all warm and junk, <3 I hate not having any classes with you. It breaks my heart into tiny little pieces. But we'll be together again next year, hopefully. :D

Mallory Branham: I mean, shit, talk about a strong girl. You've been to hell and back, and you still manage to act like life is easy. Now that's something to be jealous of. I'm really, really proud of you.

Michael Boyd: I miss you, as my bestfriend. I know you have your reasons. And, I'm legitimately happy for you and Marissa. I know you probably don't feel like it, or believe it, but I really do have her best interests in mind. I mean, I was there through all of it, for both of you, as much as I could be. I just don't want either of you to get hurt again. Believe me on that. I love you.

Emily Finch: You're freaking amazing. Like, you have no idea. You say the funniest shit, and I love the way you dress. Also, you deserve better than what you're going after at the moment. You deserve the best, just sayin'. Math class is the best thing to happen to me this semester. "LUCKY!"  "GET LAID!"

Taylor Strickland: I miss you. That is all.

Aaron Cleverly: You were the best Spanish partner ever. You are so adorable. Misty is lucky to have you. You can just see it in your eyes that you love her whenever you talk about her. I love how we would sit at our table, smack in the middle of the classroom, and talk about the weirdest things and not care if anyone heard us. From 'cherry surprise' to the Karma Sutra, we went through some mighty interesting subjects. Intimidating scarf, ;b  I know you were, and still are, having some hard times; I'll always be there to talk. How we hugged in Spanish would be inappropriate if anyone else besides us were to do it. I'm glad I get to see you mostly every day in the hall and hug you and alla' that, ;b

Trey Morrow: You call me when you're drunk, and say so many things to me that you don't even remember. "Hey, Kelly. I have my hands in my pants. And they're really cold on it."

"Kelly, when are we gonna go to the movies? I told you I wanted to. I think we should go to the movies. I want to."

"Kelly, you're really pretty."

And then you get really quiet. Hilarious.

I still think you're a slut, though. However, you are a really cute slut. ;b

---

So, I feel kinda' like a nerd saying this, but I was actually pretty proud of my narrative for English.

Whiplash

            Never had I ever heard so much profane language in a single day.  Of course, wrapping thousands of hard-earned dollars around someone else’s trunk would warrant a few slips of the tongue, I suppose. 

            I can still remember every second and every detail of the crash with shocking clarity.  Especially the fact that I wasn’t even supposed to be in the car in the first place, for that exact reason.  Unfazed by my parents’ words, I decided to get in that car every day and put my life in the hands of another for twenty miles.

            It was shortly past eleven in the morning and quite warm outside as we made our departure from Law Enforcement.  The music was obnoxiously loud, as usual, and I’m quite sure that all of Camden could hear us coming. But that’s the way we liked it.  As Whitley and I were literally yelling so that we could hear one another over the blaring music, we came to a stoplight.  The second it turned green the car accelerated far faster than it should have.  Less than five seconds later, the brakes struggled with all their might to bring us to a swift halt.  It didn’t matter, though.  The truck in front of us had done a fine job of stopping us all on its own. 

            As my eyes returned to focus, after my head had been slung viciously into the driver’s seat in front of me, I turned to look at Whitley.  Her green eyes had started to fill up with tears and they begged me to know what had just happened.  Before I could utter a sound, both of our heads were violently jerked against the seats in front of us again.  This time, we had been hit.  After regaining my senses once more, I told Whitley that she needed to put her seatbelt on.  I have no clue why; we were already sandwiched between a pick-up and a Pontiac.  As we made our way out of the tangled piece of metal that had just recently been a car, we heard obscenities being hurled everywhere from the five other persons that had been involved.  We, however, silently made our way across the busy street to the sidewalk.  And there we stood, hand-in-hand, with tears in our eyes and fresh pain in our necks, staring at the disaster that had become our day.

---

Anyways, I have to work all day tomorrow. And, for three of those hours, I have to stare--and be stared at-- by Gabe and his parents. Seeing him makes me shake, and gives me the urge to throw up. Its like I'm scared, nervous, excited, anxious, and depressed all at the same time. Seeing his parents fill me up with so much anger. There's so much animosity towards me from them, because I'm apparently a bitch and a slut. Go figure. But, whatever. They can kiss my ass. I look forward to proving them wrong about everything they said I couldn't be.

OH! And I watched Pathology last night. It was a physcological thriller-type things. There was a lot of cut up body parts, which was gross, and a looooot of sex. -_-

But, it was good, nevertheless.

If actions spoke louder than words, you'd have made me deaf by now.

You make it seem so easy to love me for who I really am.

So, I haven't posted in a while. I haven't had much to say.

I'm a horrible daughter because I come home late, even though you said it was okay.

It's not like you have any room to talk. You broke up my family, you lost your house -- which you bought when you knew you couldn't afford it AND quit your job, you can't keep track of the little money that you earn worth a shit, you complain about being thirty pounds overweight and proceed to eat over half of a package of Oreo's within four hours, you track my phone like I'm a criminal with a ankle-bracelet, and, of course, nothing is ever your fault. Ever.

What the fuck is the matter with you?

'I live my life in my head.'

Well, guess what. I live my life out here, in the real world.

Grow the fuck up.

---

I miss three people so much that it hurts.

- I loved you. I may still love you, I have no clue. I feel like its my fault for how much your home life sucked during the time that we were together. Maybe it was, partially; maybe it wasn't. I saw you look at me the other day. Don't ever look at me again, unless you still mean it. I start shaking if I think about you too much. Even after all this time, you still have me fucked up on the inside.

'Save your breath, don't even speak. If you'll speak of change, 'cause you won't. You won't. Cut to the chase. Spare the lecture on what it takes to make a man, 'cause you're weak and I'm strong.'

- Hm, well, I still love you. I don't exactly know in which way; which I've always, always, always been clear with you about. I do know, however, that you're my best friend. I don't care if we don't talk anymore, you're still the closest person to me. You know more about me than anyone in this world, even if you don't understand it all. I really hope that we can move on, one day, and get back to normal. Whatever that means to us.. I want nothing more for you, than for you to achieve what you've always wanted. Also, I know your mind better than you do. You've even admitted it to me before. I understand your logic, why you do the things you do. PS- You have gorgeous hands (in the least perverted way, I assure you), and you're beautiful. In a totally, completely masculine way, of course.

'Just let me go, for now, I'll be just fine. Don'tcha know, don'tcha know now that I'm back on my own. Tell me how it feels to watch the walls of your security crumble. I remember you, you took the easy way out when I gave you something to stand for. I was just another promise that you couldn't keep.'

- Gah, it makes no sense for me to miss you. I mean, you're not even my regular 'type', if I have one. You play football, for Pete's Sake. You're amazingly attractive to me, though. DC was one of the best things to happen for me; becoming friends with you being one of the reasons. Currently, though, I'm wanting you to go to the doctor, ASAP. Unexplained pain, like you described to me, can't mean anything good. And I'd become terribly depressed if something happened to you. Not to mention, I'd break the bank and get my Southern ass up to Iowa if something did happen. You're too sweet, and respectful. You understand that 'no' means 'no', and you didn't pressure for anything further. Which is a miracle for a guy to still understand that, at least here in Elgin.

'Come on, come on. You know this isn't what we planned on. Come on, come on. Tell me we'll be okay. We'll be okay. Let's go back, let's go back.'

---

If you can't tell by now, I'm in a 'A Day to Remember' mood. This is something that happens often. This music makes my ears happy, and its a very effective way to say what I feel.

I want something done with this thing that I call hair. I loveeee the length, and color. I just need...something. Ugh. Anyways, I'ma watch The Stepfather, probably get scared shitless by it, and try to sleep. Goodnight, love.