You can scream out loud, but there's no one listening.

Fuck. this. shit.


I'm done.

I can't believe it still hurts like this.

2:42am

What in the hell is wrong with me..

Every single time I think about you for more than two seconds, my stomach starts to churn.

Then my head starts to hurt, to spin.

And my eyes fog over.

It makes me want to just be sick, curl up in a ball, and go to sleep forever.

Ugh, fuck.

I hate this.

I mean, what the hell.

It's been months. Six months, about.

I really, truly, honestly thought I was over it.

But, in light of recent events, I think I realized that I'm not.

Maybe that's why it didn't work..

Thanks for continuing to make me miserable, even when you're nowhere to be found.

It means a lot.

Dick.

No more serious relationships. They're really a waste of time.
I'm sixteen, which is too young for all of this, anyways.

What you want, when you want, how you want, with who you want.

That's the way to live.

Mhm.



You like to scream, use words as a weapon.

Blegh. I don't want to get up. This couch is waaaay too comfy.


I've spent the past two days at my Meemaw's, :D
She's so old, I love her.
We had a family reunion; there's some sketchy mofo's in my family. (coughChriscough)
Then me, my brother, my two cousins, my aunt and my Meemaw spent two hours making cookies. We unloaded a package, a tub, and two rolls of cookie dough. I gained twenty pounds just looking at it all. My gingerbread man cookie is obese, :|
If Shannon would hurry up and email me the pictures we took, I'd show you. We're adorable.


I can't do anything right. I'm sorry.

Ugh, I can't wait to go back to see my family again. Mostly Shannon. I don't think she has any idea how much she means to me. She's been through a lot of hell in her life, and she's done the best she can with what she was given. If you can leave the house when you're seventeen, start your own successful business businesses, have two amazing kids and own your own house by your late 30s, you're pretty damn great. I love you, Aunt Shannon.

"If we just give up, give in to the pressure, we’re losing it all, we’re losing control.

I’d give it all up for you."

That's it for now. I gotta' get my butt up so I can get ready for work.

Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.

So, I've set up about five of these and never got around to actually writing a blog. It was going to be one of my New Year's Resolutions, but I'm bored as hell right now and its something to do.

Speaking of New Year's, I can't wait for 2011. This has been the absolute worst year of my life. It can only get better from here. The first few weeks of this year were absolutely amazing. Then, in late January, the shit hit the fan, so to speak. I still remember every single day, every word that was said, every mistake that was made. I guess I just let things get out of hand, and I forgot what was best for me. In about the middle of summer, I adopted a new way of thinking: I'll do what I want, when I want, how I want, with whoever I want. This lifestyle has only caused me to make one single mistake, with my best friend (or, then-best friend, I guess. I'm not sure.) over the summer. A few months after school started, I went back to doing what others wanted me to. Apparently, I want to be a 'people pleaser', although I suck at it. :b

This year, I've:

- almost blown up a truck with a firecracker, on accident.

- drank more Monster & Sugar-free Redbull than a person should over two lifetimes.

- had the weirdest dreams.

- snuck people over to my house and gotten caught.

- snuck people over to my house and not gotten caught.

- lost two of the best people in my life.

- made a lot of new friends.

- argued with my parents more than I ever have before.

- damaged my hearing.

- gotten in multiple wrecks.

- poked a lot of marshmallows.

- gotten shot in class.

- re-realized why girls, in general, piss me off.

- ruined two dresses in less than a month.

- made my father cry. Twice.

- bonded with my brother, Colton.

- been depressed.

- spent ungodly amounts of money on the most unthinkable things.

- worked my ass off to not fail my AP Euro class.

- lied.

- told the truth, and gotten screwed over because of it.

- took some pretty amazing pictures.

- wrote half a book, then ripped it up and threw it away.

- taken the best naps in Spanish next to Aaron.

- trusted the wrong people with the wrong things.

- kissed eight different guys. Woohoo..

- had the worst birthday a girl could have. Ever.

- ran into things on a daily basis.

- dyed the tips of my hair black.

- cried in class, once.

- learned to drive "properly", whatever that means.

- written my first actual blog, :D

ANYWAYS.

If this whole 'being a lawyer' thing doesn't work out for me, I kinda' have a thing for interior design. I mean, I don't know if I could pull it off. But I know what I want stuff to look like. I swear I dream about living in a different house every night.

"This is all an illusion. What do you take me for? It makes no difference what I do for you. I would give you my life, but it just won’t ever be enough."

I think that's enough for today.
Now, I'm off to work. Woot, :b

-Kelly, <3